I Don't Hate You




   I don't hate you... Once, when I was insecure, scared, and alone. Once, when I needed you to hold my hand, to talk to me, to love me. Once, when I needed you at all... I am not that child anymore, so I no longer hate you.

  You, with your lies and slanders. You, all words and no action. You, all abuse and no substance. You, a grown up and I a child, helpless, unloved, and afraid.

  I should hate you. I deserve to hate you, everyone says it's O.K.  But it isn't. Because to heal I need to forgive you.

  Why? That was my biggest question. Why, should I let you get away with this? Why, should I forgive these atrocities? Why, on Gods' green earth, should I let go of my anger for a second and let you have peace of mind? Why?

  I didn't do it for you, I did it for me. For my mind. For my heart. For my aching soul. I had to let go of all the hate you instilled in me, all the broken dreams, all the spilt tears...

  Thank you. Because of you I am a stronger, wiser, greater person. You taught me all the things to avoid and who not to become. Everything you did was poisonous, everything you believed in was delusion.

 I'm sorry. Not for myself, but for you. You missed out on my childhood, my adolescence, and my adulthood. And I am amazing. Believe it or not, I have moved on, and up, beyond worrying about you or your impact on me, beyond thinking I might one day turn into you, beyond letting you control me... I'm sorry you missed me... Please leave a message...


 But I might not call you back. 

Comments

  1. Brea J.September 23, 2018 at 2:59 PM

    I never saw this post, it's really beautifully worded. You ARE amazing :)

    ReplyDelete

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